


patient

by TtotheYong



Series: beginning [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Choking, Deepthroating, Finger Sucking, Fluff and Smut, Frustration, M/M, Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Spanking, Swearing, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, and then gets adorable, as in sexual and emotional, but mostly just to get clean, but not that rough, jaehyun gets pissed off, showering together, the order of these tags is bothering me but im too lazy to change it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22356589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TtotheYong/pseuds/TtotheYong
Summary: The basketball bounced too hard off the backboard, hit the blacktop, and rolled off into the grass. Jaehyun stared up at the night sky, the stars invisible past the glare of the court lights, and tried to resist the urge to kick something.Jaeyong go through some shit and then come out fine on the other side, hooray! And Taeyong is a tinyy bit kinkier than in part 1. It just happened I'm sorry (no I'm not).
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: beginning [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609180
Comments: 7
Kudos: 258





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel to 'happy' which i guess you should probably go read first although maybe you don't have to. but 'happy' is... uh... happier than this one so maybe you will like it. however despite getting angstier than i had intended this one still ends well for everyone. hope you enjoy :)

The basketball bounced too hard off the backboard, hit the blacktop, and rolled off into the grass. Jaehyun stared up at the night sky, the stars invisible past the glare of the court lights, and tried to resist the urge to kick something. His shots had all been off. He'd come to the park to try to get some energy out so he'd be able to sleep, like he often did now that it was June and the weather was getting warmer, but he had only been getting more frustrated. Because his shots were off. He told himself that was the only reason and walked off to find the ball in the dark grass.

Instead of bringing the ball back he sank down next to it, leaning against the tall chain link fence, letting the metal dig uncomfortably into his spine. The grass at the edge of the park was beyond the glow of the lights and he could see the stars a little better here. He tried to breathe and focus on the sweat cooling at his temples and it worked, a little. Although now that he was calmer he found it was harder not to think about why he was so pissed off. It was harder not to think about Taeyong. It was harder not to remember their time in the hotel room together at the end of the tour. That had to have been almost a month ago now, but Jaehyun hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. It was like he got some sort of sick pleasure from torturing himself with the memories.

Now Jaehyun let his eyes close as he remembered. The way Taeyong had looked coming out of the shower. The way he had climbed into bed with Jaehyun while he slept and the specific, stomach twisting shock Jaehyun had experienced upon opening his eyes and seeing his hyung so close. The feeling of Taeyong's skin, all of his skin, exposed to Jaehyun's hands, pressed under Jaehyun's body. How overwhelming it had been to be inside him, to hear Taeyong moan Jaehyun's name when he came apart.

Jaehyun had thought about all of those memories before, especially in the shower, after waking up hard from strange dreams of Taeyong. But what he barely ever thought about was the time after all of that, when they had curled up together naked in the other bed, on clean sheets, and Jaehyun had held Taeyong close and realized, after a moment, that Taeyong had fallen asleep. Jaehyun had been filled with an almost euphoric happiness, a feeling he couldn't quite understand even now, that probably had something to do with the sense that he was taking care of Taeyong for once, that Taeyong trusted Jaehyun enough to let go of all the worries on his mind and drift off to sleep. Somehow this had affected Jaehyun even more, or at least differently, than the fact that they'd had sex.

Because Jaehyun knew Taeyong had been worried. He could tell that Taeyong had started overthinking things, as he often did, almost as soon as he'd come down from his orgasm. But Jaehyun had thought that the fact that the older had allowed himself to cuddle with Jaehyun instead of immediately starting to clean or pack or something had meant he was okay with what had happened. And Jaehyun had believed Taeyong when he'd said he was happy, right before he fell asleep. Maybe Taeyong really had been happy in that moment, but Jaehyun at least hadn't been very happy since.

Part of it, Jaehyun reminded himself almost every day, was just that Taeyong was suddenly busier than ever before, and unlike on tour when they'd been together constantly, now they could easily go days barely seeing each other. Towards the end of their tour, Taeyong and Mark had been told they'd be debuting, again, as members of SuperM, and since returning to Korea they'd had to start preparing for that. This was somewhat difficult because it had to be squeezed in around their schedules, as well as Exo's, WayV's, and Taemin's, which meant that a lot of the free time the rest of the members got wasn't free for Taeyong and Mark.

But even when Taeyong didn't have any official schedules or practice with any groups, he'd started spending an almost excessive amount of time in the studio. He'd stay there until all hours of the night and into the early morning. Or he'd stay in his room at the dorm, playing video games or drawing. And it bothered Jaehyun that, even though Mark was also in SuperM, Jaehyun saw Mark a lot more than he saw Taeyong; they even played basketball together pretty often. This made Jaehyun worry that, even though he knew Taeyong really loved being at the studio or working on his art alone, maybe the older was separating himself to such an extent because of what had happened between them.

This thought was the one that always hurt the most, and scared him the most, but whenever Jaehyun wasn't busy he found himself thinking it, almost obsessively, like pushing on a bruise to feel the tender sort of pain it caused. He had started looking forward to their schedules because they had become the only times he got to see Taeyong for more than a minute, it seemed like. At least when they went anywhere where they had to speak in front of cameras he could rely on the fact that Taeyong and Jaehyun were always put in the middle to stand or sit next to each other. This had almost become a problem during interviews because Jaehyun was so hyper-aware of Taeyong next to him, of the sound of his voice and laugh, of every time they bumped against each other--and when they weren't bumping against each other Jaehyun was aware of every air molecule between them. It was exhausting but at least it was something, a chance to talk to Taeyong, to make him smile. It was almost worse that in those moments their interactions were pretty much entirely normal, even when the cameras were off. At those times Jaehyun was torn between the desperate hope that maybe things were actually fine after all, and an intense fear that the reason their interactions were normal was because Taeyong didn't care about what had happened between them at all.

~~

Taeyong was walking back to the car from the studio. It was late, or early, past midnight he thought but he wasn't sure. The night was mild and he hummed and sang to himself under his breath as he walked. He was almost done with one of the songs he'd been working on and was ready to have it finished, but they'd been up early that morning and he thought if he kept working he'd fall asleep in the studio.

His manager was waiting in the car and greeted him when he climbed in. The radio was on low and Taeyong turned it up and managed to stay awake for the ride home. When they got close to the dorm Taeyong asked to get out a couple blocks away so he could get some food from the convenience store first, and then he walked slowly down the empty street eating an ice cream bar, swinging a plastic bag full of snacks--mostly sugary ones--at his side.

As Taeyong approached the dorm, he heard the rhythmic sound of someone dribbling a basketball getting closer behind him. He turned, thinking it was probably Mark, who had recently been talking about basketball constantly. Taeyong's stomach dropped. It wasn't Mark.

"Hey, hyung." Jaehyun gave him a very small smile as he approached, almost like he was afraid to say hi, which made Taeyong's stomach twist guiltily. He knew he'd been busy, and away from the dorms more than he ever had been before, and he also knew Jaehyun had noticed. He knew because he could feel how Jaehyun looked at him every time they did see each other, almost warily, like he wasn't sure where he stood with Taeyong anymore. Taeyong couldn't blame him, and he wasn't entirely sure why he had let things get to this point, a point where it felt more uncomfortable to acknowledge anything than it did to just keep pretending nothing was going on. 

And nothing was going on, Taeyong reminded himself. They had shared... something, once, in that hotel room, and it had been real, he knew, for both of them, but it wasn't a thing that could be real in everyday life. It wasn't something that could be real in the dorms or at their schedules, with the members and managers always around, or out in Seoul, with fans and cameras popping up unexpectedly. It was just a one time thing, Taeyong knew, an anomaly born out of a strange confluence of circumstances that couldn't be repeated.

So he smiled as naturally as he could and said, "Hey, Jaehyun-ah. Who'd you play with?"

"No one, just me." Jaehyun shrugged as he reached where Taeyong was standing and they walked together the rest of the way down the street. Taeyong couldn't think of anything to say but walking in silence didn't feel uncomfortable to him. They reached the dorm and got in the elevator together. As the elevator doors closed Taeyong started to realize that, although he had been fine walking in silence, Jaehyun had been struggling to say something, and this made Taeyong increasingly nervous.

Sure enough, when the elevator reached their floor, in the moment before the doors opened, Jaehyun spoke quietly and in a rush. "I miss you, hyung." Taeyong let out a breath and looked down. The doors opened. He didn't know what to say. He missed Jaehyun too, a lot, but he worried that if he said so Jaehyun would expect something from him that he didn't think he could give. But saying nothing felt too cruel. He took a breath.

"I know, Jaehyunnie. I'm sorry." He walked out of the elevator, his head still down and the back of his neck burning. He didn't hear Jaehyun come after him even when the doors to the elevator dinged and clanged softly shut.

~~

A week passed. Jaehyun had thrown himself into work like never before, and when he didn't have official schedules he kept himself out of the dorm as much as possible, going out to eat with the members (but never Taeyong), going to the gym, sometimes twice a day, or going to the park. When they had schedules together Jaehyun and Taeyong were still able to be perfectly friendly, but Jaehyun had stopped hoping that meant anything. And he had stopping wondering if Taeyong was avoiding him on purpose: now he knew he was. Taeyong's words in the elevator had hurt Jaehyun in a way he didn't think he'd been hurt before, but at least they made it clear where he stood so he could stop agonizing over it.

Now he lay in bed, staring angrily up at the ceiling; he could feel the scowl on his face but couldn't make his forehead relax. He tossed a tennis ball up in the air and caught it, in the dim light, over and over again. They had been at a music show all day, and Jaehyun had tried to stay occupied offstage with the other members, whoever was around really, as long as it wasn't Taeyong. The show had gone well, there had been no weird interactions with Taeyong, but the effort of constantly thinking about where Taeyong was and who he was talking to and what he might be saying was exhausting. Jaehyun had a bad headache by the time they got back to the dorm, and it still hadn't gone away. He was annoyed with himself for letting this get to him so much. Sometimes he thought he was over it but then a memory would come to him from that hotel room and he wanted to be back there so bad it made him nauseous.

It was hard not to think in the dark. Shit, he already had a headache, wasn't that bad enough? He rolled out of bed, the tennis ball bouncing to the floor and rolling away to some dark corner, and went to the kitchen to get some water. The dorm was quiet; it must have been close to 3am. He went to the sink and filled a glass of water and then just stood there and stared into space while he drank slowly. He wasn't in a rush to go back to bed and have his thoughts overtake him again.

The front door beeped and opened, startling Jaehyun. Taeyong was coming in, pulling a hat off his head and scrubbing his hand through his hair. He hadn't seen Jaehyun yet, and if Jaehyun didn't move or make any sound there wasn't any reason Taeyong would notice him on his way to his room. But before Jaehyun had fully thought about it he was putting his glass down on the counter, hard, and the sharp ringing sound made Taeyong look up and stop in his tracks.

They stared at each other for what felt like forever. Jaehyun was having trouble swallowing but he thought he was succeeding at keeping his face blank. He had no idea what he wanted to happen but when Taeyong started to turn away, Jaehyun called out, "Hyung." He hoped he didn't sound desperate but he might have. Taeyong turned back around. "Hyung, can we talk or something, please? Please."

Taeyong walked into the kitchen and leaned stiffly against the table a few feet away. "Yeah, sure, what's up?" Jaehyun raised his eyebrows at this before he could remember to keep his face blank.

"'What's up?' Are you serious hyung?" Jaehyun felt some satisfaction at the way Taeyong looked down uncomfortably, his ears turning red. "What's been going on hyung, seriously, I barely see you, you barely talk to me, I... I didn't expect you to be like this."

Taeyong's eyes snapped back up. "What did you expect Jaehyun?" His voice came out an angry sort of whisper. "That we would get to... do... that all the time? That we'd..." he faltered, leaning back like he wanted to pull back his words.

"That we'd what, hyung?" Jaehyun glared.

"That we'd be together?" Taeyong defiantly finished. Jaehyun's chest hurt from hearing those words in such a scornful tone.

"I don't know hyung, I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect this. This is... horrible. It's horrible." Jaehyun's voice lost steam and he sagged back against the counter behind him, looking up at the ceiling, ignoring the knot in his throat and the burning sensation behind his nose. He blinked.

Taeyong pushed his hands into his hair. "Shit Jaehyun. I knew we shouldn't have done that. I knew it was going to cause problems. We can't... do that. Maybe if we were normal people we could but we're just... not. And I knew that and I should have stopped." The anger at least had left Taeyong's voice. He sounded... sad, Jaehyun thought. But he wasn't sure if he was sad they had slept together or sad they couldn't sleep together anymore.

"So why didn't you?" Jaehyun was watching the older's face closely. Taeyong let his hands fall back to his sides, defeated, looking at Jaehyun like he was begging him not to ask that, not to keep making him talk about this.

"You know why." Taeyong's voice was barely a whisper and Jaehyun leaned forward.

"I don't. I really fucking don't hyung. You've been perfectly fine acting like nothing's happened and it seems like you're even fine with us barely being friends now, let alone anything else, so please, explain it to me, was it just because I was there and you'd been drunk and woke up wanting to fuck?" Jaehyun's hands had started to shake even though his voice was still just a hiss.

Taeyong recoiled so hard the table slid back an inch or two. "No, _no_ , Jaehyunnie how... how could you think that? I...." Taeyong dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"What? You what?"

"I wanted it, I wanted you, okay? How could you not know that?" Taeyong was staring straight at Jaehyun now, an almost baffled expression on his face. His eyes were bright. "I still do." He finished, looking away.

Jaehyun just stood there, feeling this sort of empty confusion. He should have been happy but he wasn't sure if he was. "So why...?"

"Because it's too hard, Jaehyun. We can't do this and it's too hard for me to... to even think about it, okay? I can't... I can't be like you, just happy to be around each other talking like old times and not thinking about every little thing. I wanted you, not just that night, for a long time, and I finally let myself... but I can't... we can't, and it's too hard to let myself want it again. And when I spent time with you, I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I just...." He shrugged, looking down at the floor, his shoulders slumped.

Jaehyun just stood there, trying to breathe normally, looking at Taeyong, who didn't move. "Hyung...." Jaehyun scrubbed his hand down his face. He was angry, if he was honest with himself. He was angry with Taeyong for putting him through this, for hurting him and making him feel like he was the only one who had felt anything when they'd both been feeling the same things, for isolating himself when they could have gone through it together. But the relief Jaehyun had felt listening to Taeyong was so intense that he couldn't bring himself to say any of that. He thought he had a right to be angry but that wasn't so important when hearing that Taeyong had been suffering too, all this time, just like Jaehyun had.

It only took Jaehyun a few steps to reach Taeyong, but he hesitated there, uncertain if Taeyong wanted to be touched. Taeyong hadn't moved or shown any indication that he knew Jaehyun was there, although he must have heard him approach. "Hyung?" Jaehyun touched Taeyong's shoulder. He could hear Taeyong let out his breath and the older sort of sagged forward, almost imperceptibly, but it was enough, and Jaehyun wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Taeyong let his face settle in the space where Jaehyun's neck met his shoulder and Jaehyun could feel him relaxing slightly under his arms.

Jaehyun just stood there, rubbing his hand down Taeyong's back over and over again, afraid that if he did anything else Taeyong would pull away, afraid that this might be the only chance he'd get to hold Taeyong like this again. He squeezed him tighter and ducked his head and breathed in the smell of Taeyong's shampoo and finally, after what felt like a very long time, he felt Taeyong's hands come up and wrap around him too.

~~


	2. chapter 2

Taeyong was trying to keep his eyes open and focus on the computer screen but he was losing his battle with exhaustion. He could hear a muffled beat coming through the wall from another room in the studio and it was slow and rhythmic and it wasn't helping him stay awake, so he finally gave up and started packing up his things to leave. When he got outside and checked his phone he saw that Jaehyun had texted him a couple hours before.

**Jaehyun:  
**

_how's the song going?_

_don't work too hard hyung and make sure u eat ok?_

Taeyong smiled a little and texted him back to tell him he was coming home. Taeyong figured the younger was probably asleep but a moment later he received a :D in reply. Taeyong rolled his eyes but was still smiling when he got to the car.

"The song's going well then?" his manager asked from the driver seat.

"Yeah, it's going well." Taeyong settled in for the ride.

Things had been going well. It had been a couple weeks since that night in the kitchen, and Taeyong had realized that since then his stomach had stopped tying itself in knots every time he saw Jaehyun. Or if it still did, it had less to do with feeling guilty and more to do with Jaehyun's hair or his eyes or his smile. Taeyong had been so scared of letting Jaehyun know that he was hurting too all that time, not because he didn't want to be vulnerable but because he was worried that then Jaehyun would want something that wasn't possible to have. But Taeyong realized he hadn't been giving the younger enough credit. Maybe Jaehyun didn't have the additional burden of being the leader, but he still wasn't going to put either of them in a situation that could jeopardize the hard work they'd been putting in for years. 

That didn't mean things hadn't been different recently. Taeyong was still busy, they both were, but if they were both home at the same time they would eat together or watch TV together or play video games together. Usually other members were there too, but it was still nice. And whenever they found themselves next to each other, Taeyong would notice how often Jaehyun let his knee or shoulder lean into Taeyong's, and realize he had missed these casual touches that he'd been so careful to avoid before.

In other words, things had pretty much returned to normal. This was certainly better than how things had been a few weeks ago, and Taeyong told himself he was lucky their friendship hadn't been ruined. He was genuinely thankful for that, and he told himself it was enough, and he usually could believe it was. But at other times, it was hard not to want more.

For example, a few days ago when Taeyong came home early in the morning after spending the whole night at the studio, and ran into Jaehyun leaving the shower as he got ready for an individual schedule. Taeyong had stopped in his tracks in the hallway, his sleepiness getting in the way of his usual self control. He could feel himself staring at Jaehyun, who just had a towel around his waist and whose skin was still damp. Jaehyun smiled, glanced around, and then hugged Taeyong, not caring that he was getting Taeyong's shirt wet. Jaehyun kissed Taeyong on the cheek and then went into his room with a soft, "Sleep well, hyung." And that was it. Taeyong had walked back to his room and locked the door and dropped facedown on the bed, and then, almost against his will, reached down and took himself in his hand and jerked himself off, pressing his face into the mattress to muffle his moans, helplessly remembering that the last time he'd been face down on a bed like this Jaehyun had been inside him.

Or a few days before that, when they'd been at a photoshoot, and just watching Jaehyun in front of the camera had been almost too much for Taeyong to take. This probably had something to do with the fact that he'd dreamt of Jaehyun the night before and woken up hard, feeling like a fucking teenager, and they'd had to rush off to the shoot so he hadn't even had time to take care of that situation, and then at the shoot he watched Jaehyun stare down the camera and felt like things would get risky for him if he didn't get out of there soon. That night in the shower when he was finally able to make himself come he could swear his knees almost gave out.

So, being friends with Jaehyun again was great, and it did make Taeyong genuinely happy, but he was forced to admit it wasn't exactly enough.

They had arrived at the dorm and Taeyong climbed out of the car. He dropped off his stuff in his room without turning on the light and went to shower, worried that if he slowed down he'd just fall asleep. The shower revived him a little, and he went back to his room with enough energy to actually dry his hair and organize his things before he slept; he didn't like leaving his room a mess when he went to bed.

He turned on the light and almost jumped out of his skin. "Shit! Jaehyun, fuck, what--? You almost killed me!"

Jaehyun laughed and stood up from where he'd been sitting at Taeyong's desk. "Sorry hyung. I just wanted to see you before you went to sleep."

"Uh huh." Taeyong eyed Jaehyun and folded his arms self consciously across his stomach, suddenly aware that he was only in a towel. His hair dripped water down his back and he shivered. "Well, good night Jaehyun--"

"Can I kiss you?" Jaehyun cut him off, keeping his voice low. Taeyong's eyes widened.

"Uh... okay. Yes." Jaehyun closed the distance between them with a step and touched Taeyong's jaw and kissed him, very softly, and then kissed him again. Taeyong breathed out through his nose. Jaehyun backed away, and Taeyong could tell he was about to say good night and leave, he could see it in the slightly regretful smile on the younger's face, and he suddenly really, really did not want that to happen.

So Taeyong leaned forward himself and kissed Jaehyun, harder than before. Jaehyun was caught off guard and took a step back, reaching up automatically to catch Taeyong's hip, and the feeling of Jaehyun's hand on his bare skin seemed to dissolve the thing inside Taeyong that had been holding him back all this time. He pushed forwards, pressing his whole body into Jaehyun's now, sliding his arms up around the younger's neck, standing on his tip toes for better leverage. He heard Jaehyun gasp into his mouth and the sound went straight to his groin. Admittedly, pretty much everything Jaehyun did had been going straight to Taeyong's groin for weeks.

Taeyong pushed even closer and Jaehyun stepped back, but he kept his hand on Taeyong's hip as he did, so Taeyong kept walking and pushing Jaehyun backwards, somewhat clumsily trying not to step on Jaehyun's toes, and then Jaehyun backed into the desk and made a small startled sound.

"Fuck, Jaehyun...." Taeyong pushed his hands up under Jaehyun's shirt and then stopped kissing him so he could pull his shirt off. Jaehyun was staring at Taeyong and his cheeks and ears were flushed red. Taeyong leaned in and kissed Jaehyun's neck, relishing Jaehyun's surprised exhale, and then he moved down to his chest and sucked on one nipple. Jaehyun squirmed. Taeyong's hands slid down Jaehyun's sides and over his hard stomach. He felt like he couldn't touch Jaehyun enough, after all this time. He wanted to put his mouth on every part of him.

Taeyong kept kissing and licking his way down Jaehyun's body until his knees hit the floor. 

"Hyung..." Jaehyun said in a strangled voice. Taeyong just looked up at him and pulled Jaehyun's cock out of his sweats, impatient. Jaehyun wasn't fully hard yet but Taeyong held him and started licking and sucking on the tip and his stomach tightened at the feeling of Jaehyun's dick getting harder in his hand. Taeyong took him in his mouth, keeping his hand on the base where he couldn't reach. He put his other hand on Jaehyun's thigh to steady himself and started moving his head.

~~

Jaehyun stared down at Taeyong's head in something like disbelief. It felt like only a couple minutes ago he had been sitting here in the dark waiting to tell Taeyong goodnight. And Jaehyun had genuinely not been thinking of anything else. Not that he hadn't before, plenty of times, not that he hadn't touched himself almost every morning in the shower thinking of Taeyong these past few weeks, relieved that these thoughts were no longer edged with heartbreak. But not tonight. Tonight he had just been lying awake, and he hadn't seen Taeyong all day, and he had texted Taeyong but hadn't heard back. He had no idea when Taeyong would be coming home, and was about to give up and try to sleep instead of staying up for him, but then his phone had buzzed and he saw that Taeyong was on his way, so he went to Taeyong's room, just to have a chance to say goodnight.

Then Taeyong actually had arrived, and Jaehyun had almost laughed when the older came into the room the first time and didn't even see him there. But when Taeyong came back from the shower, in just a towel, and got so startled to see him, Jaehyun had felt such a rush of warmth for his hyung he couldn't help but ask to kiss him. And then, when he did, Taeyong had responded... differently than Jaehyun had expected. The first time they'd kissed in the hotel, and when they'd had sex, Taeyong had been fairly restrained the entire time. He'd enjoyed himself, Jaehyun was sure, but he had also been controlled. This wasn't too far off from what Taeyong was like most of the time, so Jaehyun just assumed it was what Taeyong was like during sex too. But apparently it wasn't, because now here they were, with Taeyong on his fucking knees, taking more and more of Jaehyun's cock into his mouth with every bob of his head.

Jaehyun looked down at Taeyong and just the sight of him made him even harder. He had had his dick sucked before, by girls, but he was pretty sure it hadn't been like this, although maybe that was just because he had usually barely known the girls, while Taeyong he... liked... a lot. He pushed his fingers into Taeyong's still wet hair, lifting it off his forehead, and Taeyong moaned lowly around his dick and, shit, Jaehyun was pretty sure no one had ever done _that_ before. Taeyong moved a little closer on his knees and put both hands on Jaehyun's thighs and the next time he bobbed his head forward he just... kept going, and Jaehyun's breath left him as Taeyong took all of him into his mouth. Jaehyun felt his cock hit the back of Taeyong's throat, and then felt Taeyong swallow around him. "Fuck, hyung, oh my god," Jaehyun gasped, trying to stay quiet.

Taeyong started bobbing his head again but not as much as before, so Jaehyun's cock stayed at the back of Taeyong's throat the whole time. Jaehyun could hear the older breathing harshly through his nose and when Taeyong's eyes fluttered up to look at Jaehyun they were watering. The sudden eye contact, and how enormous and wet Taeyong's eyes were, almost made Jaehyun lose it right there. He didn't want to come yet but he couldn't look away. He realized he was actually holding his breath, as if that would do anything. He was dimly aware that his thigh was hurting and he registered that Taeyong was still gripping his leg tightly with one hand. Then Jaehyun noticed that Taeyong's other hand was down between his own legs, pressing desperately against himself through the towel. Jaehyun gripped the desk behind him tightly, feeling like he might not be able to hold himself up. He was definitely going to come.

"Hyung, hyung, I'm gonna come, fuck, Taeyong hyung, stop...." But Taeyong didn't stop. Instead he took him even deeper and then he moaned again and Jaehyun groaned and spilled into the older's mouth, tipping his head back and covering his own mouth with his hand to keep from making noise. Taeyong pulled away from Jaehyun and swallowed and then coughed, breathing hard, wiping spit and come off his chin. "Fuck, hyung, that...." Jaehyun tried to catch his breath. When he looked back down, Taeyong was still on his knees, and Jaehyun could see he was still hard, and even though Jaehyun had already come he didn't think he'd ever wanted anyone more in his life.

Jaehyun reached down and grabbed Taeyong's upper arm, pulling him to his feet a little more roughly than he had meant in his rush to be close again. He took Taeyong's face in both hands and kissed him hard, sticking his tongue into the older's mouth and tasting himself there, which felt dirty and hot. He reached down and loosened the towel around Taeyong's waist so it fell to the ground. Jaehyun turned them around so Taeyong was leaning back against the desk now and took Taeyong's cock in his hand and started to jerk him off slowly. Taeyong moaned quietly into Jaehyun's mouth and pushed off Jaehyun's sweats and then pressed his whole body against Jaehyun's. The feeling of having Taeyong back in his arms like this after so long was almost too much. He had missed Taeyong's skin, and his lean muscles, and his long legs, and the sharpness of his broad shoulders. He pressed back into the older and thought there wasn't a place head to toe that they weren't touching each other and he could feel his dick start to get hard again.

Taeyong turned his head and Jaehyun started kissing his neck. "Jaehyun, Jaehyun, there's lube over there in the drawer." Jaehyun kept kissing him. "Jaehyun, fuck, go get it, I'm serious, I want you inside me already, fuck." Jaehyun pulled away and looked at Taeyong, gauging the almost desperate look in his eyes.

"Yeah? You want me to fuck you hyung?" Jaehyun licked Taeyong's neck and then kissed it.

Taeyong let out an exasperated noise that turned into a whimper when Jaehyun pressed their hips together. "Yes," he hissed, "yeah, that's what I said isn't it, fuck, Jaehyun, please. It's been so long. Please."

Jaehyun smiled a little and went over to the drawer Taeyong had pointed at and found the lube and some condoms there. While he rummaged around he heard Taeyong turn on some music on the computer behind him, low enough that they wouldn't wake anyone up but hopefully loud enough to down out what they were doing. He went back to Taeyong and began to pull him towards the bed by his hand but Taeyong didn't move. "No, here." Jaehyun raised his eyebrows and Taeyong's eyes flicked away, looking slightly embarrassed. Jaehyun was definitely getting hard again now. He felt like almost everything Taeyong had done since he'd entered the room had caught him off guard and he was surprised by how much he liked that.

Jaehyun smiled. "Okay hyung, shit, what's gotten into you today?" He kissed Taeyong gently.

Taeyong pulled back to look at him. "Today?" He let out a strained sort of laugh. "I've wanted to do this for weeks, fuck Jaehyun, haven't you?"

"I-- yes, sure, I have, but... I didn't really think we could?"

Taeyong scowled, he looked legitimately angry for a minute and Jaehyun felt a little nervous. But Taeyong grabbed Jaehyun and pulled him closer and kissed him hard on the mouth, and then he mumbled against his lips, "Yeah I didn't think so either, but I can't keep going like this, I've been going crazy Jaehyunnie, seriously," Taeyong's hands were pulling at Jaehyun's back, at his arms and neck, his short fingernails digging into the skin. "You've been driving me crazy. You're so hot, every time I see you I want to... I want you." Jaehyun shivered and kissed Taeyong back, his hands on the older's narrow hips, pushing their cocks together between them. He was almost fully hard again already.

Without stopping kissing Taeyong, Jaehyun managed to put lube on his fingers and reached down behind Taeyong, sliding his fingers to his entrance. Taeyong turned his mouth away from Jaehyun's. "No, Jaehyun, you don't... I did... already... in the shower."

This made Jaehyun completely stop kissing Taeyong. He took a full step back and just stared at him. The image this had put in his head was almost making him dizzy. "Are you serious?" Taeyong just nodded. "But you didn't even... know I was here?"

Taeyong's ears reddened more and he glanced away. "I know I... just wanted to."

Jaehyun swallowed and when he spoke his voice was low. "Yeah? Why?"

Taeyong eyed him and shrugged. Jaehyun stepped forward and put his hands on Taeyong's hips again but kept space between them.

"Were you thinking of me hyung? Hmm? Did you think of me and want me so bad you fucked yourself?" Jaehyun wasn't entirely sure where these words were coming from but Taeyong's eyes widened and the look he gave Jaehyun as he nodded was full of want. "Turn around," Jaehyun said, his voice almost a whisper now. And Taeyong did.

~~

The desk was cool under Taeyong's palms and the edge of it dug into the fronts of his thighs. He felt Jaehyun line up behind him and hesitate. Taeyong looked back over his shoulder. He was so turned on he could feel the arousal humming under his skin and he really didn't want Jaehyun hesitating. He wasn't sure exactly how to tell Jaehyun this, how to tell him he didn't need him to be gentle the way he had been last time. Even though Taeyong felt like he hadn't thought about anything else but Jaehyun for ages, this was only their second time together. Taeyong knew Jaehyun better than almost anyone but he didn't really know what he liked when it came to sex. Taeyong wasn't entirely sure Jaehyun knew himself, and Taeyong didn't want to freak him out.

But the fact of the matter was he was really ready for Jaehyun to be inside him. He pushed back into Jaehyun's hips, still looking at him over his shoulder. "Jaehyun, I'm ready, come on, fuck me already." He kept his voice as quiet as he could and it shook with the effort. "Jaehyun..." he was still pushing back against Jaehyun. "Come on...."

"Shit hyung, hold on I--"

"Why? You're hard right? What's wrong?" Taeyong straightend up a little and twisted around more to see Jaehyun. The younger was definitely hard, and now this made Taeyong worry a little about why he was hesitating. "Jaehyun?"

Jaehyun looked up and met Taeyong's eyes. "Yeah? Yeah, sorry, I just... needed a second, I...." Taeyong looked at him expectantly. Jaehyun looked away and then looked back, looking embarrassed. "I just... needed to calm down for a second? Or I thought I... wouldn't be able to, uh, hold back?" Jaehyun was looking up at the wall above Taeyong's head by the time he finished, blushing furiously.

Taeyong laughed and Jaehyun looked back at the older, an expression on his face like he felt deeply betrayed by this, which made Taeyong smile wider. He was so cute. "Shit, Jaehyun, you don't need to hold back, are you fucking kidding me? I fingered myself in the shower 'cause of you, what would make you think I wanted you to go slow?"

Jaehyun's face changed and he let out a breath and nodded. He gripped Taeyong's hips tighter and Taeyong leaned back over the desk and, finally, felt Jaehyun press against him and slide inside. Even though Taeyong was mostly prepared, his own fingers were skinny and Jaehyun's cock was not, and the stretch edged towards being painful as Jaehyun bottomed out and started to move. But the pain blended with pleasure quickly and Taeyong could feel the hum under his skin increase.

Jaehyun started to thrust and Taeyong got used to it and very quickly it stopped feeling like enough. "Jaehyun, fuck, harder, I'm serious, fuck me hard, please." His voice was hoarse from having Jaehyun's cock down his throat before and he sounded wrecked already. Jaehyun started to fuck into him harder but this immediately created the problem of the desk banging into the wall. Jaehyun stopped moving right away.

"Shit, hyung."

"It's okay, okay, c'mere." Taeyong moved so he was standing next to the desk and braced himself against the wall instead. Jaehyun managed to follow him without pulling out and now he pressed against him and kissed the back of the older's next and started to move again. Taeyong pushed his hips back so he was bent over, his forearms braced against the wall and his head pressing into one wrist. He arched his back and Jaehyun's next thrust hit his prostate and, fuck, he had to turn his face into his elbow and bite his own arm to stay quiet. Jaehyun was finding a rhythm and started to fuck Taeyong in earnest, finally, his hips slamming into Taeyong and his cock hitting just right on every thrust. Taeyong thought he might pass out from the effort of staying quiet.

Jaehyun didn't seem to be having this problem, however, and he started to babble in a whisper, getting increasingly out of breath as he did. "Fuck hyung, you look so hot like this, you're so fucking pretty, you take me so well, hyung, fuck...." Taeyong felt Jaehyun lean over him so his chest pressed against Taeyong's back and when he pushed in again it felt even deeper than before. Taeyong moaned into his arm before he could stop himself. His legs were shaking. He reached one hand up behind him and grabbed the back of Jaehyun's neck and dug his fingers in.

"Jaehyun, Jaehyunnie, fuck," Taeyong was gasping. "I want... I want you to slap my ass, please. Hard, fuck, please." Jaehyun made a strange noise in Taeyong's ear. He wrapped one arm around Taeyong's stomach and then his other hand came down on the side of Taeyong's ass. Taeyong gasped. "Harder, I mean it, Jaehyunnie." Jaehyun slapped him harder and Taeyong had to muffle himself in his arm again.

"That's good hyung? You like that right?" Jaehyn breathed behind him and fucked into him hard and brought his hand down on the tender skin again and then again, and then he ran his hand over the spot and dug his fingers hard into Taeyong's hip. 

"Yes, yes, fuck, it's so good. I want to come Jaehyun. I've been wanting you to fuck me like this for weeks. I want you to make me come Hyunnie, god I want you so fucking bad." Taeyong was pushing his own hips back now to meet Jaehyun's every thrust and the sensation was so intense he wasn't sure he'd be able to stay standing for very long.

All at once Jaehyun pulled all the way out. Taeyong's knees really did almost give out, he was so surprised and the sensation of suddenly being empty was so uncomfortable. "What--?" But Jaehyun was using the arm still around Taeyong's stomach to pull him backwards and then almost throw him down onto the bed. Taeyong's body bounced when he hit the mattress and then Jaehyun was on top of him, pushing Taeyong's legs up, his fingers digging hard into Taeyong's thighs. Jaehyun lined himself up and pushed back into Taeyong all at once and the older gasped. He let go of the older's thighs and leaned over him on the mattress, finding a rhythm again, his hips slamming into Taeyong hard and Taeyong knew he'd feel it the next day. He didn't mind the thought.

"I want to see your face when I make you come hyung. I want to see what you look like when you fall apart." Taeyong let out a shaky breath. Jaehyun moved one of his hands onto Taeyong's chest. He pinched one nipple and pulled on it and Taeyong whimpered into the back of his hand.

"Bite it," Taeyong managed to say. Jaehyun seemed to be finally past the point of looking surprised. He leaned down, his back curling over Taeyong, and closed his lips around Taeyong's nipple, followed by his teeth. Taeyong gripped the back of Jaehyun's head to keep him there and writhed with the intensity of the sensation. "Yes, Jaehyun, oh my god, you're so good."

Jaehyun's mouth was still on Taeyong's nipple and his hand was sliding up the older's body, to his neck, and then his fingers were tracing over Taeyong's lower lip and Taeyong tilted his head to take them into his mouth. Jaehyun pushed two fingers in and Taeyong closed his mouth and sucked, grabbing Jaehyun's wrist, feeling spit start to slide onto his chin as Jaehyun continued to fuck forcefully into Taeyong. Jaehyun moved his teeth to the other nipple and bit that one too; Taeyong's eyes watered and he whimpered around Jaehyun's fingers as quietly as he could.

Jaehyun pulled his fingers out and slid them over the nipple not currently in his mouth and Taeyong shuddered, his back arching off the bed the next time Jaehyun pushed into him. He could feel heat building up low in his stomach and his whole body felt feverish. He was surprised how close he was already. He had only come completely untouched once before, and last time with Jaehyun, although he hadn't used his hands, he didn't think he would have finished if his dick hadn't been pressed between their stomachs. But now the sensation was unmistakable and it kept building. "Fuck, yes, Jaehyun, I'm so close, I'm so close Jaehyunnie, fuck I want to come, I've been waiting for you so long, please." 

Taeyong heard Jaehyun let out a shaky breath. His lips came off Taeyong's nipple and his forehead pressed down into Taeyong's chest. His voice was muffled when he spoke. "Yes baby, please come, I want to see you baby, I want you to feel good, I always want you to feel good hyung. I'll do whatever you need baby, whatever you want just tell me, I'll fuck you however you want hyung, seriously, I want to do this all the time." His words were coming out between gasps, higher pitched than normal and with a desperate edge. Taeyong thought Jaehyun must be close too. "Come on, hyung, tell me what you need, come on."

Taeyong looked at the ceiling and took a breath. Then he took Jaehyun's wrist and moved his hand up to his throat, laid it over his collarbones. Jaehyun lifted his head and leaned over Taeyong, looking at him. Jaehyun slid his hand up a little, so it rested at the base of his throat, his pinky and ring finger still over the collarbone but his thumb and other fingers around the older's neck. He squeezed a little and Taeyong's eyes fluttered closed. His body felt like it was going to melt. Jaehyun's pace had faltered but now he picked back up again. His hand applied more pressure and the heat in Taeyong's stomach increased and he moaned helplessly, covering his mouth with one hand. Taeyong arched his back up and Jaehyun hit that spot again and kept hitting it, and Taeyong knew he was going to come apart, and when he did he felt it in his entire body, the humming heat under his skin flaring up and making him dizzy. Jaehyun's hand slid away from Taeyong's neck and hit the mattress and he continued to drive himself into Taeyong, who's come spilled out over his own stomach and up his chest to his neck. As Taeyong came down his whole body shuddered violently and he gripped Jaehyun's bicep hard to steady himself.

"Oh my god," Taeyong breathed. Jaehyun's thrusts were erratic and then he grabbed Taeyong's thigh and lifted it higher and as he came his fingers dug into the flesh so hard Taeyong was sure they would leave a bruise. Jaehyun stayed there above Taeyong for a moment, shaking slightly, and then he pulled out and rolled onto his back, and they both lay side by side, breathing hard.

After what felt like a long time, Jaehyun's hand reached over and found Taeyong's next to him and held it. "You okay hyung?"

Taeyong let out of a laughing sort of breath. "Yeah Jaehyun, I'm okay." Of course he was okay, he had never been more okay. "Are you?"

Jaehyun grinned and lifted himself up and leaned over to kiss Taeyong on the cheek, which made the older roll his eyes so Jaehyun kissed him again and again until Taeyong pushed him away. "Oh my god, Jaehyun, stop, jeez." Jaehyun laughed and sat up.

"I need to shower." Jaehyun glanced over at Taeyong, at the come covering his stomach and chest. "So do you...." Jaehyun looked at Taeyong expectantly.

"What, are you asking me to shower with you?"

Jaehyun smiled. "Yeah, and?"

"And there are like 10 other people in this house."

"They're all asleep hyung, come on. Let me clean you up, seriously."

So Taeyong let himself get dragged out of the bed. He picked up the towel he had used before--what a waste that shower had been--and followed as Jaehyun checked outside the door and then pulled Taeyong after him to the bathroom.

~~

The water was very hot on Jaehyun's back. He moved his hands over Taeyong's soapy warm skin and their sweat and come washed away down the drain. He felt... comfortable, somehow. That didn't feel like a big enough word to describe the feeling but it was close. "Hyung?"

"Mmm?"

"I know we can't, like, be together, the way most people are but... do you think... we can still be together somehow? Like this?" Taeyong turned them around so he was under the stream of water himself and tilted his head back to let the water run through his hair. Jaehyun watched him, a little nervous. "Because hyung? I can't go back to how it was after the last time we... did this, to not talking. And I don't really think I want to just be friends either. Like I know that's all we can be most of the time, but... I don't want to just do that until we can't stand it anymore and then we lose control and fuck and then we just go back to being friends again. If that makes sense...." Jaehyun wasn't sure it did. He looked away through the glass shower doors and could see their reflections in the mirror above the sink, blurred by the steam.

"Yeah, it does. I... sorry if I... was sort of intense, or something."

Jaehyun looked back at Taeyong quickly. "What? No, that's not what I meant, I mean I liked how you were, I always like how you are hyung, I just--"

"I know, I know what you're saying. I do want that too. But I just... you need to know that we can't just do this whenever we want right?"

"Yeah, I know, I just... it doesn't even need to be... this, sex, I just mean, I dunno, time? Like spending time together sometimes, and being able to hug you and kiss you and not have to go weeks without it... stuff like that."

Taeyong was looking up at Jaehyun with a peculiar expression, almost amused, but also something else Jaehyun couldn't identify. Taeyong laughed a little, softly. "God Jaehyun you're so cute." Jaehyun scowled and blushed; he had been entirely serious. But Taeyong continued, "I want that too Jaehyun, okay? Of course I do. I think we just need to... be patient? With the schedules and everything that goes on and... with each other, I guess. With me...." He looked uncomfortable.

Jaehyun touched his hyung's wet cheek. There were a lot of other things to say flitting around his brain, about how of course he could be patient, about how happy he had been just to know Taeyong cared about him too even though they still couldn't spend a lot of time together, about how he wanted to keep seeing and getting to know all these different sides of Taeyong--and thinking this made his face get even warmer under the hot water as he remembered Taeyong sliding Jaehyun's hand to his throat. But Jaehyun felt like if he started to say them all they'd run out of hot water before he could finish. So he just leaned in and kissed Taeyong on the mouth, feeling warm water slide between their lips.

~~

Later, as Jaehyun lay in his own bed, dry and warm and alone, he thought about all the schedules they had for the rest of the week, and the schedules further off too, tour dates scheduled months in advance in Japan, and a flurry of schedules in the US, and then he thought of all the things ahead that hadn't been planned yet, that they couldn't even imagine. And instead of worrying about how busy they'd be, he found himself thinking about all the time they had ahead of them together. And being patient didn't seem like it would be too hard.


End file.
